Farewell

I lied, I'm not going to write more about Christmas.

It was Z's farewell today. Basically it was awesome. I was sitting next to Friz, our Buddhist friend. It was funny to hear him singing about Jesus. Z's talk was basically awesome, especially the part where he said his mom was "like a son" to him. We all cracked up.

I can't believe he's leaving in just a week. I'm going to miss him so much. He's become one of my very best friends, and I hate to lose him for two whole years. I'll definitely write to him, though.

So the farewell party after was... interesting. C and BF were there, but I basically ignored them. She's turned him into a total douche. He was wearing a freaking Aeropostale shirt. -_-; He changed completely for her, and there's just something not right about that. I miss the old him.

Also, W was there with his girlfriend. While we were watching a movie at Z's, Jonag, W, his girlfriend, and I were all squished on the couch. So I was pressed up against W, which was nice. Then Jonag moved to the floor, so I laid down and kept my feet against W and fell asleep. Somehow when I woke up, my leg was under him with my foot held between his legs. And he was holding it there. It felt so nice. It was pretty much the best sleep I've had in weeks. Just thinking about it makes me smile. Thinking about W makes me feel better. I hope we get to hang out more.

Which we should, because Jacob from Hawaii is here! :D I always call him that. xD Because he's from Hawaii. He's one of W's best friends, and hopefully we'll all hang out while he's here.

A's still ignoring me. -_- But whatever. Guh.

Anyway, that's about it! Basically I'm gonna miss Z more than anything! Especially since like... I probably won't see C again once he's gone, because none of our other friends want to hang out with him. So that'll really suck. But rumor has it that he's going to marry BF. Which makes me want to puke or something. Ugh. Whatever.

Z, I love you, man. I'm going to miss you so so much. Do awesome in Germany!

Christmas!

Just a quick note to remind myself of everything I got for Christmas, I'll expand later because I have to sleep now.

Picture frames and mints and a bowl from Jocelyn at work, shirt and pants, desk(!), gum, Naruto bank, magnetic chess set, $15 gift card to B&N from Grandma, Swiss Cake Rolls, lightsaber styli and photo paper from D, some popcorn stuff from the twins, warm awesome slipper boots from Z, and... um... there's probably more but I'm so tired and I have to work at 7:30 tomorrow morning so I need sleep.

Also Sherlock Holmes.

Merry Christmas! :D

Guh

Hm, what's on my mind right now? Any guesses? Yeah, boys. Surprise!

W came to a "party" I had last night. He brought his girlfriend along (I had said he could) and they only stayed for a little bit and watched some Muppet Christmas Carol with me, my sisters, and my aunt. He was sitting next to me, and it's a good thing is girlfriend was RIGHT THERE or I probably would have been like, all over him. Guh. It's weird, though, I'm totally jealous of his girlfriend, but I don't hate her, and I'm not really mad at him. I don't know why. Really, I just want to curl up under some covers with W and fall asleep. That would be so nice.

Still no response from C.

I've seen A a couple times over the last little while. Dang he looks hot in a suit. He'll talk to me in person, but anytime I try to talk to him on Facebook or over text, he doesn't respond. But that's how he is. He's just so funny and good-looking. I'm pretty sure he knows I like him, and that might be why he doesn't talk to me online or texting. But whatever. I'm used to liking boys who don't like me back. :D *sarcastic smile*

Anyway, work is fun! I like the other girls I work with, and it's a pretty fun job, too. The only thing I don't like is the CONSTANT Christmas songs we listen to there. At least they stopped playing Josh Groban's version of Drummer Boy. Also, money is good to have. Although I've burned through it faster than I planned. Oh well.

Anyway, basically it's same old, same old. Me liking boys who in return either don't like me back, don't talk to me, have a girlfriend, or do like me back but don't do anything about it. Or any combination of those. Fun, fun.

Never Be The Same

Been feeling a little down lately. I sent C another message, asking if we could just talk... and got no reply. Not to mention I almost ran smack into him twice today. I just want to talk to him. Weird. I typed "you" instead of "him" at first.

Seriously though. I would give just about anything to be talking to him again. I just miss his friendship. I miss talking to him, laughing with him. I don't understand why he won't even say hi, or talk to me at all. It hurts. It hurts to think that someone who used to mean everything to you, and who used to care about you so much, could just throw that all away and not care at all. I hate it.

In other news. W. Is so confusing. He has a girlfriend. He still flirts with me. He says he loves his girlfriend and stops talking to me for a while. Flirting starts back up. I'm getting sick of it. I would love to be with him, but he's just... I dunno, messing with me or something. Heck, I'd love to just be his friend and hang out with him, but that doesn't happen either.

A hardly talks to me anymore. I don't even know.

I just don't get it. Why do these guys keep going for the slightly airheaded, controlling, demanding, complicated, weird girls? Instead of me, the smart, gorgeous, fun, relaxed, easy-to-please, totally willing to make out and cuddle, awesome girl? I really do not understand it. It makes me feel... I dunno, worthless or something.

On top of all this, both Jonag and B have been dumped by their girl people in the last week. Like really? They're great guys! They haven't done anything wrong! Jonag's girl decided she liked another guy, and B's said he was moving too fast. Can't something go right for someone?

Oh, yeah. It can. For C and BF.

Screw it.

Best Party Ever

Okay. Star Wars party. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AWESOME. We started at about eight forty five with The Phantom Menace, then Attack of the Clones, and then Clone Wars, Revenge of the Sith, A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and finally Return of the Jedi. Seven movies. Approximately fourteen hours. A bag of Skittles, four pizzas, a bag of Doritos, numerous water bottles, and a pack of Tootsie Rolls, not to mention various other snacks. Star Wars action figures. Star Wars posters. Star Wars Legos. Star Wars video games. Lightsaber battles. Star Wars discussions.

Basically, the nerdiest day ever. And it was AWESOME. It was just me and Z for the first couple movies, then Jonag showed up, then W and his girlfriend came, and then Z's friend Stylin'. (Which is how I'm spelling his name.) At the very end OO showed up, too.

It's so much sadder to watch Darth Vader die when you've just seen his whole story. I cried a tiny bit. D:

So not only was it the best party ever, but it was fun to see W. It was weird, he kind of ignored his girlfriend a lot. Which I guess is fine with me, because if he ends up with no girlfriend I am so all over that. Which is bad of me to think. But. Ha ha. You know. Most of the guys I like end up with girlfriends, so I'm bound to think it sometime. I'm pretty sure he talked to me more than he talked to her, although that may have been because she didn't seem like a Star Wars fan. And he gave me a hug after he carried my TV back to the van for me. Yeah. HE gave ME a hug. So that was awesome. But I guess I just have to see what happens. xD AS USUAL! :D

Also, A decided to finally respond to my Facebook chat message that I always send, so maybe he's snapping out of whatever was up. I hate seeing my friends pull away from people. :/

Anyway, that's all I've got to say for now.

(Best party ever.)

Z

So, Z is awesome. This post is all for you, bro. He discovered my blog and my life hasn't been the same since. He just takes the time to hang out with me and ask me what's up and see if I'm okay. He even wrote a message to C trying to get him to snap out of his "I'm going to ignore all my friends and just hang out with BF!" phase. I've been trying to get someone else to do this for ages, and Z just did it. I hope it works, but even if it doesn't, at least we tried.

Anyway, yesterday we totally made a ton of cookies, plus cupcakes and a cake for OO. It was awesome. And we just talked about our friends and life and stuff like that. Awesome times. Plus he gave me a mix CD of some sick techno beats.

Also, ZOO is the cutest couple ever. Like seriously you guys, you make like... baby seals jealous. And those are cute. I better get an invitation to that wedding in Germany!

Basically, Z, I love you bro. You're like the awesome brotherfriend that every girl who doesn't have a brother wants to have. Thanks for being awesome.

P.S. STAR WARS PARTY SATURDAY. SO PSYCHED. :D

P.P.S. I got a job at JCPenny! :D

One Long Nightmare

I see ghosts. Not the kind that most people think of. I see ghosts of him. Lying in my bed, his hair messed up on my pillow. Sitting on my couch, laughing. At my kitchen table, bent over homework. Walking around the neighborhood. At my front door, grinning. In the mirror, just behind me. At our friend's house, just around a corner. I hear his footsteps coming up behind me, expect to feel his arms wrap around me. I hear his voice, just out of range, fading in and out all around me. I hear him singing along to my music in the car. I feel him next to me when I wake up. I can hear him breathing on the phone in between rings. I swear that when I walk out of my house, he'll be waiting. I smell him on my blanket, in my clothes, on my skin. I taste him on the tip of my tongue when I wake from dreams.

I cry because they are only ghosts.

A Party a Day Keeps the Boredom Away

Seriously, awesome parties today. And last night. Snuck out again at like midnight to go to Z's with him and Jonag and watched some That 70's Show. It was pretty awesome.

Then today I cleaned the house and stuff. After that it was time for partying! First it was to Tabby's house for her going away party. We played some video games and stuff, but I didn't really know anyone there. Then I went home and cleaned some more in preparation for Z's awesome party!

First we all met at Smith's and Scooter Squadron'd up the Boulevard to Nielsen's Frozen Custard, where A proceeded to tell us all to get out. We did, after we got our custard. Then it was back up to Smith's to get in our cars and head for Z's house. I picked up Jonag on the way. We just chillaxed for a while, waiting for people to return so we could supposedly go to Wal*Mart or something. We ended up watching even more That 70's Show (awesome) until C and BF showed up. Gah.

I mean, at least he said hi to me. But that was about it for direct conversation. A little more would have been nice. Honestly, I just wanted to ask him about Zombieland, but I guess I'm too afraid to talk to him until he talks to me first so I know he doesn't mind it. Anyway, nothing too bad (I guess).

So then we were gonna get in the hot tub after some pizza and games, but it wasn't hot. So we were all in our swimsuits just sitting around. We talked for a while and got some more incriminating pictures of the boys. Then some of the guys headed for In N' Out, and the rest of us went home. Pretty awesome party!

Can't wait for next weekend! Gonna be so full of party. ALL STAR WARS ALL DAY PARTY. Still mostly excited for that. Basically I can't wait. I even put up my Darth Vader poster in preparation. The one that's been sitting in my closet since I was like, eight. Awesome.

Basically if I continue on it'll just be ranting, so I think I'll stop here! For a summary of the ranting, read on, otherwise, just exit. Summary: I like boys. The boys I like do not return the feeling. I am lonely. THE END.

A Hat!

Yeah, wearin' a hat today. Bad hair day. xD

Well, I watched G.I. Joe today with my family and Jonag. He was bored so I went and picked him up to watch the movie with us. It was a pretty cool movie! Lots of explosions and "mayhem throughout." That's what the little ratings box said. Awesome.

Talked to Z for a long time last night, good stuff. He's a pretty cool guy. Can't wait for the parties the next couple weekends! :D

So, boys. I don't really know what I think about them right now. I mean, I love Jonag and Z and D, my bro-friends, but guys that I like... ugh. I feel like giving up sometimes, because they always end up with other girls. Totally lame. So I don't even know.

Basically... WHATEVER. xD

Tomorrow should be... interesting. November 6th. :/ Three years from the first time C and I got together. Hopefully I can just hang out with people all day and not think about it. xD

Anyway, yeah. That's about it. Laters, blog-readers!

Woo, November.

It's November. Kind of a lame month, usually. I mean, yeah, Thanksgiving and whatever. But it's just kind of a boring, cold month.

BUT THIS NOVEMBER WILL BE EPIC. LEGENDARY. Mostly because Z has a Mission Bucket List that he wants to complete before he leaves. It includes such things as the Star Wars party (totally freaking excited), and other fun activities that will be a blast. So... awesome.

Anyway, other than the parties, not much exciting going on. Except I randomly had a "look at pictures of Yami Bakura" day. Found a couple good ones, too.
Super cute.

But that's about it! These posts will get more exciting as the parties start happening. xD

I'm a Big Kid Now!

Quick update to let you guys know that I just got back from sneaking out to go to Wal*Mart with Ammon, Jonag, and Z. It was my first time ever sneaking out to go somewhere! I feel awesome, basically. They picked me up and dropped me off. Wal*Mart is weird at three in the morning.

Also! Next Saturday. We're going to Z's to watch ALL OF THE STAR WARS MOVIES IN ONE DAY. I have been waiting to do this for over a DECADE. I am SO FREAKING EXCITED it is not even funny. I am going to dress like a Jedi and everything. It's going to take from like eight in the morning to midnight. PURE AWESOME.

Anyway, my stomach is yelling at me to either eat or sleep, so I think I will sleep.

Prepare for Trouble!

So, Halloween. Basically it's the best holiday ever, other than my birthday and Christmas. I had a sweet party!

The fun started when me and Jessi went to the college football game to enter the costume contest with Pickle, Kat, and Kasey, who were dressed up as Pikachu, Ash, and Brock, respectively. We didn't win, but we think that's just 'cause the cheerleaders never watched Pokemon and they chose the winners. Then we went back home to start the party. Katrina was the first to arrive, dressed as Princess Peach. Then came Jonah, my really tall little brother from another mother. We had Jessi draw a bunch of Pokemon so we could have a scavenger hunt! We hid them all around the house.

The the party really got going. We ended up having a ton of people. Let me see if I can remember them all. Katrina, Jonah, Porter, Doug, Doug's girlfriend, Frizface, Pickle, Kat, Kasey, Chaos, Beau, Ammon, B, LeVaughn, D, Jessi, Kirsten, Celestial, and also ZOO showed up for a few minutes. It was a rocking party, basically. I think that was everyone who came. And they are all awesome!

We talked for a long time, played Catchphrase and Curses, and then Friz and Ammon went over to Z's house to watch "Drag Me to H Word" as Z called it. B and LeVaughn (B's friend) went to catch a movie, and Porter, Doug, and Doug's girlfriend left because their ride got there. The rest of us went upstairs to watch an episode of Supernatural, which was pretty funny. We would have all gone over to Z's house, but some of us are terrified of scary movies, and the rest of us didn't know Z very well.

Anyway, the party was basically a huge success with homemade doughnuts and everything. Everyone had a lot of fun, I believe!

Anyway, here are our Team Rocket costumes. More pictures will probably come later. We're going to do some kind of photo shoot.


Also, the other day I was walking along at the college, when I found this in the sidewalk:


Yeah! A stick figure man! Just in a crack in the sidewalk! Pretty awesome, huh?

Fantastic Sams

Okay, what's with that place's name? Are there many Sams? Are they all fantastic?

Anyway, yeah! I got my hair cut!

See? Don't I look cute?! Basically, I love it. And I totally messed with the contrast on that one picture. xD

Plus it'll be totally perfect for my Halloween costume. Team Rocket FTW!

Anyway, who cares about boys? <.<;

Also, Z has requested that Ky be called OO so they can be ZOO. So that works for me. xD

Hair

Whoa, I have two followers. Z and his girlfriend Ky. Unless she has a nickname she wants to go by. xD

So, I think I'm going to cut my hair short again. The only thing that's really stopping me is that nearly all of the boys I've talked to are like, "No, keep it long! It looks better long!"

Well. Here's the deal, guys. The first guy to say that to me was C. He asked me to grow my hair out after a particularly bad haircut.

I haven't cut it since.

Now I'm starting to feel like I really need to cut it. I don't even know what to do with it when it's long, I just pull it back into a ponytail all the time. So basically, I might as well cut it. And I kind of want to.

I'm just sick of all the boys being like, "NOOOOOOO!!!" like it's some terrible calamity for a girl to have short hair.

Coincidentally, A doesn't care if a girl has short hair or long. That makes it a little easier to cut it, even though he's not even interested in me anyway.

Anyway, sweet Halloween party on Saturday! I'm getting psyched!

P.S. Here are some pictures of hair so you can decide for yourself.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG HAIR IS LONG.

Short hair is short. (P.S. I look gross in this picture. xP)

Anyway, vote away. All three readers I have. xD

I Dreamed I Was Missing

Well, looks like someone else found this blog. That brings the total up to.... two. xD I've mentioned going to parties at my friend Nick's house. He has discovered this blog and would like to be called Z. Like Zorro. Or something. So that's that. He's Z now.

So, I have weird dreams all the time. Usually I wake up from them... not so happy. But whatever. Just dreams.

Um, so I think N is mad or hurt or something, because he hasn't been texting me back. So I guess I'll have to deal with that at some point. :/ I really hate hurting people, but I don't really want to be with someone that I feel is more friend material.

Still haven't won an argument against A. He was complaining that no one was coming into his work, so I said maybe I would stop in, and he said, "and I'll tell you to leave."

So I went in, ate my custard, and left. But he did not tell me to leave.

So I should have won that argument, but of course he argued his way out of it. As usual. Someday I'll win an argument against him. We're kind of having an ongoing one, where he's trying to get me to say that I hate him, but it's not going to happen.

Anyway, yeah. That's about all I've got right now. Woo!

Robots in The Guys... Er... Something.

So, we watched (made fun of) Transformers 2 last night. Basically, there was not really a plot, or at least not a good one. "Let's show off girls and robots and explosions!" "Okay!"

That's how the script was written.

Also! My aunt and I are being Jessie and James from Pokemon for Halloween. We made our costumes today. It's gonna be awesome.

I'm gonna have a Halloween party, and I invited a bunch of people, so hopefully it will be fun. Should be interesting if all the guys show up... I invited A, B, D, N, and W. So this could get interesting. xD

Anyway, I need to go to sleep soon so I can wake up for my friend's missionary farewell tomorrow.

Back to the Drawing Board

Well, things aren't really going to work out between me and N. xD We were both kind of getting the vibe that we were more just friends than anything else. I'm just glad we were on the same page.

Speaking of back to the drawing board, yeah, I totally have a crush on A. We hung out for the first time in ages the other day at our friend Nick's house, and I was just hit by it again. We stood outside talking for like two hours after the party times were over.

UNFORTUNATELY, he says he's not going to go for girls he knows anymore. I keep hoping his mind will change, but I don't think it's likely. Although Nick knows that I have a crush on him, and he thinks we'd be perfect together, so he might try and arrange something. xD But I don't know.

So I think Chaos likes B, maybe a little. xD We talked about it for a minute today, while she was here for a "party." She could tell that he kinda likes her, and she was like, "Hey, I'm a girl. I like attention. And he seems cool." So B, if you're still reading, it's looking good. :D

Basically, I'm in the same freaking position I've been in for months. WOO! As my friend Nick put it when he found out W had a girlfriend, "Man, why does this always happen to Audrey?!"

Good question. >.<

Freakin' Out

So. Let's see. Where to start? xD

Okay, so yesterday, Monday, I was all excited to see N again. He got out of class at two, so I waited around the school for him. AF was in the student lounge and he came over to me. "huhuh i thot u wer hanging w/N today??!lol" (that's how he talks, in my head.) I was like, "Yeah, he's on his way over here." "u laek him?11lol" I rolled my eyes so he couldn't see and nodded a little. "wll thts cuul. huhuh."

So N texts me and is like, "Sorry, ran home to shower. On my way over." AF wanders over again soon after and says, "huhuh, N was in DA SHOWA. huhuh!1!1lol!!" ... "Yes... I know this..." "o. uh. hiihuh."

Then he went and complimented some girl's shoes. o_O

Anyway, so N finally gets to the cafe, and he had to buy AF food, because AF is a mooch. We sat there and ate, and then AF had class or something, and N and I went for an "adventure." The adventure was supposed to be driving around town getting job applications. Instead it ended up being "sit at Flying J for an hour and a half filling out an application that will be instantly rejected."

Following that, we were going to go back to his apartment for something a little more enjoyable, like a game. But of course it is right then that my sister calls and needs a ride home from volleyball. So basically he just dropped me off at my car, and we didn't even hug. BUT. He did give me cookies and fudge that he brought from home. I LOVE fudge.

So then today we got to hang out all day, at least after class and when I wasn't helping D with some homework. We ate at the cafe, messed around on his computer, watched T.V. with his roommate, and then... hm. First kiss time. xD

Well. While we were thus occupied, AF comes and knocks on the door. I should probably mention that AF is hooking up with a girl N hates. They had been by earlier in the day, and N had just ignored the knocking. Well, we ignored it this time too, but AF and girlsidekick come in through the bathroom which is connected to another apartment. Like, they just walk right in. And stand there. Staring at us. While I gather up my things and get ready to go to my night class. Talk about awkward and SUPER annoying. I think the girl was giggling, too. xP

Anyway, besides the whole SUPER RUDE AND ANNOYING interruption, today was pretty great! I did all that with N, and also helped D with some homework he had. Bros before hoes applies to female bros too. xD

A is giving up on girls (supposedly) and just wants to retire and live in his bed for the rest of his life. I think he'll probably get over it.

B is doing good, mostly. xD Apparently he's now reading this, so I'll have to be careful of what I say about him. He's such a nerd. :P (JK, B.) Anyway, we went to a movie, and Chaos came, and so far it is looking good, so I will try and get them at some parties and stuff soon. (run-on sentence much?)

C. Gah. I keep dreaming about him, which sucks. Mostly the dreams are just me not being able to talk to him, or him being like... in pain. Not really fun. ._.

D is doing good with Ali, and they're so cute together. xD

W is good with his girl, too, I guess. So that's good. He's a funny kid.

Anyway, I should sleep soon. Hahahaha. Yeah.

Grinning Like an Idiot

Basically, N and I have been texting all day the last couple days. He's so cute! And romantic! AND. He likes Phantom. <3 Plus. He made me cookies while he was at home. I won't see him until Monday, and I'm a little nervous about what will happen then, but I'm excited, too! Pretty much I'm still spazzing out in my head. I keep dancing all over the place. I'm trying to hide it from my family, but it's kinda hard when I'm grinning like an idiot and blushing. He called me gorgeous! :D xD

Yeah, spazzing. xD

In other news, A is having fun in Cali, it sounds like, so that's good. Maybe we'll hang when he gets back.

Also, might go see a movie tomorrow with B and Chaos, maybe a couple other friends. Still trying to hook them up. xD

Anyway. N. Awesome. xD

Butterflies

Okay, if you've been reading up to now, this post is going to come out of nowhere. Kinda came out of nowhere for me, too.

Okay, so. D's best friend T lives in the dorms on campus. I've known T since middle school, but we've never really been friends. So one day I'm sitting in the school cafe, eating lunch with D, when T and his roommate N join us. Almost immediately I was like, "Wow, who's the hottie with T?" We all ate lunch together, then walked back to T and N's apartment and hung out for a few minutes. Few days later, D tells me that N wants my number. I was kinda like, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?!" and D goes, "I didn't think you would think he was cute."

Anyway, so I kinda saw him a couple more times, eating with T, but we didn't ever really talk. Then, yesterday, I was eating with D when N and his Annoying Friend come in. They sat at the table next to us, and when D had to go to class, they invited me to sit with them. We talked for a while and ended up hanging out the whole day. I was flirting with N the whole time, and pretty much ignoring AF. We had a pillow fight. It was a blast.

It gets to be time for me to go to my night class, and AF goes, "Let's all exchange numbers!" So we did. Now, I wanted to give my number to N, but not so much AF. But he got it. He ended up calling me twice that night, and leaving a voice mail (all ignored). Anyway, I talked to N on Facebook that night, and he tells me how annoyed he was with AF, and we decide to hang out without AF. Flirting all the while, of course.

So today, I went to lunch with D, and then N texts me and invites me over. Of course, I go over. We played some games on the computer, and talked for a long time. Then he had to go to auto and I had to go to a ballroom lab.

Then! After his auto class he was leaving to go home for the weekend, to Mesquite. So at about eleven he texts me and says "Wow the stars look amazing here" (!!!) So I say, "Lucky, I love looking at the stars."

"Me to. Maybe one night we could get some blankets and go look at the stars."

Basically, I was freaking out in nervous excitement. We flirted more, we talked about how D and T want us to hook up and how that wouldn't be such a bad idea, we talked about how T thought we were making out today and how we don't want to disappoint him...

Unfortunately, he doesn't get back from Mesquite until Sunday night, so I won't see him until Monday. But I'm sure we'll be texting.

Really, the butterflies in my stomach are on something, because they are spazzing. Nervous excitement is fun.

As for the other boys, A is bummed because his best friend is leaving for a couple weeks. Might FINALLY get to hang out with him, if he's not being a punk. He's going to Cali this weekend though, so not for a while at least.

W. Man, he's so helpful. I never realized it until last night. He's always pushing me to do things I'm afraid of, or to do things he knows will help. He can be a bit of a d-bag about it, but I realize now that it's for my own good. He said that he's tried to help a lot of shy people like me, but I'm the only one he can stand to hang out with because I actually get it. So that's good. I also used the word pissy when I was talking to him. (Always fun.)

Gonna try and have a party (maybe bowling?) to hook up B and Chaos on Saturday, after B gets back from Vegas. Although I might postpone it until N gets back. That would be fun. :D

Pretty much, I feel so much happier than I did just days ago. Yay!

It's Not Healthy, It's What Makes You Right

I'm so sick of not talking to C. It kills me, seeing him almost every day, and him not talking to me. I want to tell him about Zombieland, which was an awesome movie I know he would love. I want to play video games with him. I want to talk to him. That's all. I just want to be friends again. I hate not talking to him. I hate it. I miss him.

I've been talking to A more, but mostly about the girl he likes, which is weird. He says she doesn't really want a boyfriend, but I think he's trying to change her mind. It's hard to talk to him about it when really I just want to be like, "Dude. I have a crush on you. I'm totally available." But I don't, because I'm like, 90% sure he doesn't think about me like that.

W is being weird, as usual. I don't even know what his deal is. Whatever.

Still trying to get B and Chaos to hang out, but my sisters have been sick this week, so I couldn't have a party. Now I think I'm sick, so I still can't have a party.

Life sucks sometimes.

Sore Throat

I think I'm getting sick, which sucks. Also, I'm getting a little sick of boys. I mean, I love them and all, but jeez. I don't even know.

A might be getting a girlfriend soon. It's weird to talk to him about it, but whatever. I'm getting used to it.

I mean, it's not like any of the guys I like like me anyway.

Da-da-da-da-da.

Okay, so I forgot to tell you that B asked about Chaos, if she was single. xD I told him she was, and I'm going to try and set them up without being obvious to her. So that should be fun, I'll probably have a party.

W is... gah, I don't even know. Haven't talked to him in a couple days. We'll see.

A is still being stubborn and kinda depressed. I wish he'd hang out with me, but I guess he never has time.

Anyway, blah. Gr. Rawr. Angry noises. Frustrated noises. Confused noises.

That is all.

Okay, Seriously, What's the Deal?

Okay. I'm 5'11", skinny, gorgeous, smart, funny, nice, I play video games, I put up with a lot of stuff most girls wouldn't, I'm totally laid back. So why in the world am I sitting at home alone on a Friday night? Oh yeah, because I'm cripplingly shy. And for some reason, the guys I like either like another girl more than me, or they just like me as a friend. Yeah, sure, there are guys who like me, but they're not the ones that I like. So... what? I'm doing something wrong, to make the guys I like not like me? I'm not as good as some other girl? Some other girl who will boss guys around and make them do all kinds of stupid stuff, and control them, and not play games with them, and not give them any free time, and take over their freaking lives? WTF is up with that?!

Just.

Gah.

Whatever.

Screw it. I'll just sit at home with my family, looking totally gorgeous because I thought I might get to hang out with someone.

Secretly, I'll be hoping someone will call or text or MSN me and tell me to hang out. But it's doubful. W's at a birthday party, D's at work, B's up north, and A was maybe going to a movie with someone. Ali's at work, The Twins are going to some kind of play or something.

And I'm just the loser sitting at home.

Braincake.

So, here's the deal. When I'm totally in a state of confusion, I call it braincake. It's like every thing or person that I think about is one of the ingredients. Like, the thing/person I think about most is the flour, than the sugar, and whatever, down to pinches of salt.

Right now, the flour and sugar are A and W. A I just don't know about. He seems depressed or something, and he might go up north for a couple weeks. I think he's having family issues. And he doesn't really want to talk about it, so I don't really know what's going on, or if I can help. I haven't hung out with him in ages, but he's always busy.

W. Oh man, I don't know where to start. I don't even know what to say. Gah. He's the flour right now. Just starting to think about him makes my head go "bleehhh..." because that's the noise it makes when it's overloaded.

Gah, I gotta go to bed. I have three tests and two classes tomorrow. And I'm starting to get a headache, and all I really want to do is cuddle up with W (right now) and go to sleep. But instead I have to sleep all alone in my cold bed and have nightmares. woo.

Dear Agony

Guys. I am taking a break from my regularly scheduled ranting-about-guys to tell you about Breaking Benjamin's new album, Dear Agony.

It. Is. AMAZING.

I love it.

<3

What Lies Beneath is a great song. Well, they're all great songs.

(In rant-about-guy land, A is having some kind of issues, but doesn't want to talk. W and I might hang out on Wednesday. B wants to be hooked up with Chaos.)

Go listen to Dear Agony. I'm serious.

Truth or Dare

So, let's see. Friday night, went over to my friend Nick's house for a party. A was there, so that was good, but so were C and BF. Before the party, A wasn't sure he wanted to go because he thinks everyone hates him. I told him nobody hates him, and he should come to the party. He ended up coming, and I stuck pretty close to him the whole night, since he was my closest friend there. We made fun of C and BF, because they were all over each other. It was pathetic.

Keeping in mind that C doesn't want to talk to me, I basically avoided him all night. I was dying to talk to him, but he made it pretty clear that he doesn't want me being friends with him. There were a couple times when he might have been going to say something to me, but I wasn't looking at him and he didn't. I wish he had. I miss talking to him so much. He's a fun guy.

Anyway, I guess A is interested in a couple different girls, but none of them are interested in him. I know how he feels, I guess. I'd like to talk to him more about it, especially tonight 'cause he says he's having a bad night, but he said he's not in a mood to talk. So I leave him alone. I don't want to be pushy.

Now. W. Gah. From the way we talk to each other, and the way he's been wanting to hang out with me more, you would think he would just dump his 'girlfriend' and ask me out. Maybe it'll happen soon. He says he likes the girl, but that there are some things he's just not sure about. Basically he's a hormone crazy teenage boy. Surprise! We played a game of Truth or Dare over MSN today, so I got to ask him some things I'd wanted to. Apparently he talks more to me than the girl. So we'll see how that works out, I guess. I really do like him. He came over yesterday to play Halo, and it makes me feel good just to be near him.

Anyway, that's about it for right now. Basically I'm still wishing I could talk to people more. Guess I'll talk to D when he gets on tonight. Yay for best friends! Even though he has tons of homework and stuff, we still talk pretty much every day. He's a great guy. And he's so happy with Ali, it's so cute. :D

People Are Confusing.

Okay, updates.

B- Last night he confessed that he was starting to really like me. I panicked for a minute, and asked A what I should say. He told me to just be straightforward and tell him the truth, which I was planning on doing anyway, but it helped to have someone else tell me to do it too. I told B that I didn't feel the same way about him, that I was still having some boy issues. He said he was kind of expecting that, and we're still friends. So that's one weight lifted off of me. In its place are several more! :D

W- Is basically the most confusing guy ever. We've been talking a lot more, and we want to do stuff together, but he has a "girlfriend." He told me that they're basically just "together" because she sent the relationship request on Facebook, and he didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying no. He came over to my house today, and we played games and stuff. I just... I don't know what I feel about him, exactly. I'm attracted to him, definitely, but I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Or if I'll like where it goes.

A- Probably still my #1 choice, if it were possible. But I'm pretty darn sure he doesn't feel like that toward me at all. I may be one of his best friends, but I'm still just "one of the guys." Just wish I had a chance.

C- Ugh, I keep seeing him everywhere. ._.

D- Basically one of the best friends ever. He helps me out a lot, usually. Sometimes he can get a little high off his relationship with Ali, but that's okay with me.

W got me some CDs of new music! :D I'm excited, I've wanted more new music for a while. So as soon as my iTunes finishes updating, we'll see what I've got! Should be pretty good stuff. Music is basically one of my favorite things in the world.

Anyway, that's about all I can think of right now. Surprise! It's mostly boys. xP

Guhblughrgb. Boys.

Basically, I'll just give you updates on whichever boys are on my mind. And maybe occasionally some other stuff.

A- Apparently I'm one of his best friends right now. Which makes me feel awesome, but it also means that he talks to me about a girl he has a crush on, but who doesn't return the feeling. Which is a little weird, since I have a crush on him. But I'm really glad he thinks of me as such a good friend, and that we're talking a lot more.

W- ... Okay, I don't even know where to start. There's obviously a mutual attraction, but he's quite the player. He's got a "girlfriend," but apparently they're not "steady dating or anything." I kinda thought that's what a girlfriend was... Basically, he's confusing as heck. But dang is he hot. xD

Anyway... Went and visited A at work today. He works at a frozen custard place, and I wanted custard after my night class. He said he was bored enough to die, because they were pretty much dead.

Yeah, basically that's it for now. My brain is a lovely place. >.<

Lovely Weather!

So, today. D locked his keys in his car, so I had to drive him home and back for his spare. xD He bought me Wendy's, so we're even. He's really sick and had been napping in his truck, and he forgot to grab his keys when he got out. Anyway, I hope he's sleeping off that cold right now.

Then later, I was talking to W and A on Facebook. Just talking to W about whatever, and about how I'm really shy and can't talk to guys. He logged off in the middle of a conversation, but that's normal for him... not that it's not annoying.

Talking to A... apparently the girl he has a crush on does not return his feelings, and now she and her friends are acting like they hate him. Which isn't very mature at all, but from what I gather she's still in high school, so I guess it makes sense. Anyway, it was kind of weird to talk to him about it, because I have a crush on him, but I know he doesn't return the feeling. It's just weird. I'm fine just being his friend, but I'd like a chance. ._.

Went to a movie tonight with B and my friend Chaos. I'd really like to hook them up, because I think they'd be great together. Funny movie, too. Inglorious Basterds. Kinda gory, but more funny than anything.

So basically, this is my brain: boysboysboyscookiesboysboysschoolboysboysboys.

Yeah.

Short Texts Can Make a Big Difference

So last night after I saw that W was "in a relationship," I was in kind of a bad mood. D was still at work so I couldn't talk to him about it, and I was too nervous to text A. Basically, talking to A, D, or C (if he would) is the only thing that makes me feel better when I'm feeling down. I texted D anyway, and then saw that A was on Facebook, so I sent him a message like, "Hey, what's up?"

But he signed off.

Now, I was a little sick of people doing that to me, and I know A's been feeling like none of his friends care lately. So I sent him a text.

"Hey A, what's up? Go ahead and ignore this too, if you want, but just remember I'm still your friend, or at least trying to be. :P"

And he replied, "sorry, not in the mood to talk."

"Okay, just wanted to make sure you know I'm your friend. Night, then."

And I didn't expect a reply to that, since he had said he wasn't in the mood to talk, I figured he would just go to bed.

But then I got a text that said, "i do, night."

And just that tiny, short text cheered me up, because I hadn't been expecting it from him. He's usually very distant, doesn't talk to people much unless he wants to.

So I cheered up and went to bed.

Anyway, home from visiting cousins now, and I should sleep soon, since I have school in the morning. xP

D-bag.

So, W is Facebook-officially in a relationship now. With the girl he'd been talking to and whatever. Basically, I'm like, cool, whatever. So I say, "Congratulations on your changed relationship status."

And he signs off.

Jeez, guys. People can't be friends once you're in a relationship?

Whatever.

Just whatever.

Opposite Day

So basically, I am a backwards person. In many ways. D ranked the guys in our group from hottest to least hot (he was number 2), and my ranking was exactly backwards of that. Ali pointed out that most girls start out liking bad boys and move to nice ones, and I first liked a bunch of nice ones and now like a bad boy. When happy things like parties happen, I feel down. It's just weird. I have strange reactions to a lot of things. Like right now, I'm at my cousin's house with family members I love, but I feel sad.

Mostly because I can't talk to my boys. Not talking to people, especially boys I like, makes me feel depressed. Which is not exactly a good thing. So I'll try and talk to them soon, but A didn't answer my texts and W hasn't been online since Thursday. Well, he's probably been online, but WoWing. His subscription runs out soon. He wanted to get to level 80 before it did.

Anyway, speaking of WoW, "Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?" is a HILARIOUS video on YouTube. Go look it up. :D

I'll have to send it to W. xD

Cousin's House!

So, my aunt and I decided to randomly take a trip to visit my cousin, her husband, and their baby. Very spontaneously! My first road trip! Well, besides a day trip to Vegas with D and Ali. Anyway, so I am now at my cousin's house instead of hanging out with any boys. I could have had a date with B yesterday, or possibly hung out with W last night or today, but I decided a break might be nice. xD

My cousin's baby is so cute! She's ten months old, just learning to talk and walk. She likes to eat cheesy bunnies!

But, as usual, my mind is stuck on boys. xP I think A is having a rough time, because all of his friends are either in school or leaving on missions, so he can hardly ever hang out with people. I'm trying to talk to and text him more, so he knows he has friends. But yeah, that's him.

Can't get W out of my head! Well, can't get any of them out of my head, but W especially all the sudden. Probably 'cause we started talking again. He is very... attractive. But kind of a player. so we'll see what happens with that. I gotta get some CDs from him, he was going to burn them for me. Probably next week sometime.

Basically it's just those two right now. Thinking about two of them is enough for me, so I try not to think about the other ones. xD

As a side note, I got six hours of sleep last night. Woo me.

W

I guess I should explain that I started talking to W again, and he's not being so much of a jerk. I realized I did not inform this blog of that fact. xD

Dilemmas. Hahaha.

Yeah, that word doesn't even mean anything anymore. xD

Basically, I don't know what to do on the boy front. I'm most attracted in general to A, most physically attracted to W, and B I think I just like as a friend. But I don't know how to tell B that, and I don't really know what to do about A, because I don't think he likes me like that, and with W... well, he's just a master of mixed signals. Although he did say I was attractive. Basically I guess I'll just try to hang out with them when I can, try and feel it out some more.

A's not liking me may have been influenced by D, who doesn't think it's a good idea for friends to date. Thanks, bro. No wonder A revoked your bro privileges. :P (If you're reading this, D, I'm just kidding and I love you, man.)

With W, it's just like... I think we're both pretty physically attracted to each other, and maybe more than that, but we can't hardly ever hang out. Which is lame.

As for B... like, he's nice and funny, but I just don't feel a spark. I feel more like I'm hanging out with a new friend than a potential crush, even. But I don't know how to tell him that. I guess I'll just be honest with him at some point, tell him I'm still really interested in some guys I already knew, and that I'd love to be friends with him. Because I think that's mostly what it is, that I'm just already attracted to W and A.

Woo anxiety. xD Really, right now I would basically trade something very valuable for a hug/cuddle from W or A. I just feel so much calmer when I'm with guys I care about and trust. Which is why I try and hang out with D so much, because I feel calmer. Not as calm as when I'm with a guy I have a crush on, but still calmer. I guess I just love physical contact, and I don't get that much of it.

Maybe W can hang out tomorrow, and we can play some Halo and hug or something. >.< That would be nice.

And maybe I'll hang out with A soon, try and cheer him up. He's awesome.

Basically, my brain is focused on boys right now. I'm not even going to start on C or J. xD

Real Quick Before Bed

Okay, so today was much happening on the boy front. Hung out with W and some other friends. Now, W teases me all the time about... well, things. But I think he has a girlfriend, or at least a girl he is interested in and talking to. So I don't know. But he's fun to hang out with and fun to talk to. So I'll just go with it.

The other thing that happened was I talked to A, pretty much let him know that I would be interested in him. He let me know that he's not interested, without saying it outright. I'm okay with that, because we're still friends, and hey, maybe he'll change his mind. We might hang out next week, and I'm going to start texting him more because I think he's lonely. All of his friends are in school and he's not, so there are rarely times when he can hang out with people.

Anyway, the only other really interesting thing today was I drank a Mountain Dew for the first time. One of those Voltage ones. Boy was I hyper. W still schooled me in air hockey and foosball, though. >.<

Well.

So. I can't ever stop thinking. There are always twenty million things going through my brain at the same time. Like really.

Today, and for the last while, actually, it's mostly been about A. I want to work up the courage to talk to him more, but I just can't seem to find the confidence. I just... I really like him, and I don't want to pass by a chance.

I just don't even know. I feel totally stressed out and frustrated and I just don't know what to do about it.

In other news, an adorable little girl in nursery at church loves me. :D

Woo!

So I hung out with my friend Tabby today! She's pretty much the happiest person I know, and it always cheers me up to hang out with her. She's just so... happy! All the time! xD

Anyway, so last night I went to a dance. B was there, and we danced. I was super, super nervous. Like, nervous enough to not look him in the eye while we danced. >.< I just... I dunno. It's hard, for me. I get so anxious about things. I worry that I might do something wrong. I'm not even sure I like B like that right now. Really, I'd like to have a chance to dance with A.

I'd like a lot of things.

I want to talk to C, I want to know what the heck is up with W, I want to be able to talk to A without freaking out, I'd like to know what I think about B... Ugh. There's just a lot. Braincake, I call it. Because it's like my brain is mixing a cake, and each thing I think about is one of the ingredients.

HAHA, surprise ingredient. Boy J, who I didn't mention before. He's had a crush on me since middle school, and I'm pretty sure he still does. He keeps talking to me. And 'accidentally' saying 'love ya.' Like, four or five times. Once is an accident. More than that... no. I don't really like him that way, and I never really have. I don't want to hurt his feelings or anything, but... I dunno. It's just like, one more ingredient in the braincake.

Also! New boy alert. Boy... Uh, we'll just call him Boy E. E is a guy that I have kind of known for a few years. By 'kind of known' I mean like, we saw each other at school sometimes because we had mutual friends. Anyway, lately he's been commenting on a lot of my Facebook posts, and he wrote on my wall that I was attractive. And with him, you don't know if he's just saying it to be nice, or if he means that he likes you. So I don't even know! D:

Grah. Boys.

Really. Right now. I just want a chance with A. But I don't even know if he even thinks about me as a girl, and not just 'one of the guys.' And I'm too much of a coward to do anything about it. xP

Free time?

So, here's the deal with my free time. I have The Twins, a couple of my best friends, who want to hang out. I have Ali, D's girlfriend and another best friend, who also likes to hang out. I have B who wants to go to movies and things. I have A and D who like to come over and play video games. I have my family that wants me to clean things and such. I have random friends who want to hang out sometime.

And that's just the people.

I also have homework, games I want to play, books I want to read, internet I want to surf, movies I want to watch, and people texting me. Like A, who is texting me right now. And I don't know if it's because he's bored (likely), or what. But it's fun to text him. He's pretty funny.

Now if I could just get a job, all of this would be even harder. Everyone has different schedules, and often people want to hang out on the same day. Like today, The Twins want to hang out, B wants a date, and D has the day off. So does A, for that matter, but I'm pretty sure he's going to a movie and hanging out with his friend.

Just... grar. Like, I want there to be about twelve more hours in every day so I can do everything I want to. But then... a lot of the time I'm just sitting around bored. For some reason things like to happen all at once.

Anyway, yeah. Life is crazy. Now I'm gonna go play some games before The Twins come over and B starts texting me, like A and now D are doing. xD

Them Boys

Okay, I'm probably going to refer to boys in this blog. So I better give people the rundown on their code names. Those who know me will probably recognize the descriptions.

Boy A - A close friend, who I have a little bit of a crush on. He's very random and spontaneous, and I guess that might be why he's so awesome.

Boy B - A boy at college. I met him at a dance. He's very fun to hang out with, and we've gone on a couple dates, but I'm not exactly sure what to make of him yet.

Boy C - Oh boy, this is the big one. Dated him for two years, thought it was going to be much longer than that, but he left me for his best friend, a girl I will simply refer to as BF.

Boy D - My best friend, practically my brother. We hang out and play video games.

Boy W - Guy I "kinda dated" for about... a month? I don't even know. He's pretty attractive, but he's being kind of a jerk lately. He hardly talks to me.

Those are the most prominent boys in my life, I guess. There are others, of course, but those are the ones I think about most.

Anyway, C isn't talking to me right now, even though I wish he would. I almost ran into (literally) him and BF a couple times today. They were coming out of a building I was going into. If I had been a couple seconds slower, we would have gone through the door at the same time. When I turned around and went back out of the building, they were outside the door. C practically jumped out of the way as I walked past, not looking at him, because that's what he wants.

I guess right now B is my best bet. He's funny and smart, and I like hanging out with him. But parts of me won't let go of W and A, let alone C. Right now, if I could have my choice of boys, I'd probably go with C, A, W, then B. Just because... Well, I usually like guys more the longer I know them, and I've only known B a couple weeks.

But really, my best prospects are probably B... and then I don't even know. I don't know if A even thinks about me, W is being a jerk and not really talking to me much, and C is with BF and not talking to me at all. So, almost the opposite of what I would choose.

Just to add to all of that, of course there are hot, tall guys at college.

Really, I just want someone to be with. I guess it comes from being with C for so long, but I just want to have someone who's going to be around, who'll play video games with me, who'll joke with me, who will buy me books, but will also call me beautiful and treat me like a girl when I want to be treated like one.

I guess I just don't know. I wish I had the courage to talk to A, I wish I could get to know B better (this one will probably happen), I wish C would just freaking talk to me (is it really THAT hard to say hi once in a while?), and I wish W wasn't being such a jerk.

But hey, D is really great! Best bro a girl could ask for. :D

I'm the Batman!

So, I was watching Batman Begins today. It's a great movie, but there are some glaring inconsistancies.

1. Real ninjas could not be killed by a building exploding. I just finished reading The Ninja Handbook. Really now. An explosion? These are guys that are used to fighting mantataurs in the Killcific Ocean. No explosion will get them.

2. Okay, the microwave emitter can instantly vaporize huge amounts of water, but has no negative effect on humans? May I remind you that the human body is mostly made of water? Come on, guys. All the humans near that thing would be vaporized too.

3. Alfred is the coolest person in the movie.

4. Why is the little boy not terrified of Rachel, or for that matter, the Batman himself? Who knows. Maybe he is an awesome little boy.

5. How did Scarecrow not gas himself all the times? Does his burlap-sack mask have a filter? What about when he wasn't wearing it? Is he immune? Hmm...

That's all I can think of right now. I really love the movie, there are just things that I wonder about.

Also, Liam Neeson is amazing. Ra's al Ghul, the dad in Taken, Qui-Gon Jinn, Oskar Schindler... and if he needed to be any more awesome, he voiced the dad in Ponyo. Yeah. He's that cool.

Well, that's all I got for now. Go watch Ponyo.

Secret Room Get!

So, the thing is, I'm not going to actively tell people about this blog. I put it in my Facebook profile on my information page. If you find this, congratulations, you're either a close friend or a creepy stalker. I think you know which is which.

My reason for this is that I don't like those people who are like, "come raed mah blog!!!111!!!lol!!" Just... no. I'm mostly doing this for myself, you know. I just want to see if I can actually keep it going, think of things to write about regularly. A place to vent, if you will. Yes, there will probably be rants on here, or depressed scribblings. Poems, pictures, drawings, jokes... I'm a random person.

But hey, if you've found this, you already know that, I would bet.

First Post

Woo, here goes another attempt by me to actually keep a blog going. Maybe this one will actually happen. I really do love to write, I just don't know what to write about sometimes.

I guess I should explain the name of this blog, Underwater Stages. I'm just sitting here in my living room, looking around (for inspiration?) when I see the sheet music for the Underwater Stages Theme in Super Mario Bros. And it just stuck in my head, I guess.

Really, I hate being underwater. I think the ocean is a creepy, creepy place. Too many scary fish. But I love the Underwater Stages Theme. It's probably one of my favorite pieces of video game music. Something about it just makes me want to sway along.

How this applies to my life, I haven't figured out yet. For now I guess I'm just bobbing along, trying to avoid the Cheep-Cheeps and the Bloopers.