You're Always On My Mind

Okay. Here's the deal. There are only a few things I know for certain about boys right now:

I have a major crush on A, physically, emotionally, mentally, all of that. Huge crush. But he's my friend first, and I'm not going to do anything to mess that up. But I jump at any chance to hang out with him, and I would do a backflip if I thought it would get me a date with him.

When I'm feeling sad and lonely and down, my brain first goes to D and Z, then to W. And since Z is on his mission and D just left for Montana for like a week, W is the one that's here.

As for my feelings on W, I like him a lot. Like a *lot*. But I know that he has a girlfriend. I KNOW. And I don't want to mess that up for him. Which is why K had to force me to call W today when I was feeling down. I didn't want to bug him, and I don't want his girlfriend thinking there's something going on. Because there's not. We might hang out and play Halo sometime this week, but that's all. I just need someone to talk to, and with D and Z gone, my options are limited.

I want to kick C in the nuts a little bit.

I like B intellectually. He's smart and funny. I don't know about anything else though.

Those are the only honest and true facts that are sure in my head right now. Everything else is a jumbled MESS.

And the things that I want? That I want the most?

I want to hang out with my brothers.

I want to go on a date with A. (Is it that much to ask?)

I want to hang out with W.

I want to kick C in the nuts.

I want to move out.

Those are the things that I want the very most right now. Hopefully the hanging out with W will happen very soon, like tomorrow or Friday. Calling him today made me feel loads better. He said he was glad I called, and that he was sorry he's busy so often. And he said to call him when I have time to hang out this week so we can play Halo and watch dumb movies.

I think he was surprised to learn that he's the one I turn to when I can't get D or Z. Talking to him just always makes me feel better, I guess. Because we're always just honest.

For some reason I don't feel nearly as comfortable talking to my female friends. I don't know why.

As for K, I have absolutely no idea what I think or feel about him right now. I know he likes me (I have to hit him to get him to keep his hands to himself), but I don't know what my reaction to that is. My brain is so overloaded right now that probably like three months from now I'll be like, "Man, it was really nice to hang out with him." and by then it won't even matter.

I hope that makes it a little clearer for people? Not that really all that many people read this, but still. It helped me to get it all written down, at least!

And now to go clean the bathroom. Then I think I need to play some video games. It's been a while.