Help Me, I'm Out Of Breath Again

Very recently, I'm talking within the last five minutes, I was hit with a wave of intense longing. I miss my brothers, my best friends. I miss Z, and Jonag, and Kyle, and D, and A, and W. I miss them so much that it causes me physical pain. I need to see some of them again, soon. Hopefully D tomorrow. The rest of them, who knows. Z, not at least for two years. Kyle, not until at least May. Jonag, no idea. A, probably not for a while, since he's not talking to me still. W, probably whenever a) I work up the nerve to call him and b) he actually has free time.

Hanging out with B today was great, don't get me wrong. He's an awesome guy. I just haven't seen my best friends in what feels like an eternity.

oh god i miss them so much i think i might cry

What the heck is wrong with my emotions? I spent the last two and a half hours hanging out with a great guy that I have a crush on, at least an hour of that spent in his arms. And yet I am still sitting here suddenly depressed out of my mind. It's not his fault, that's for sure. If anything it's my fault, for being so ridiculously messed up.

I need them. I need my guyfriends desperately, but I am too shy, too afraid to do anything about it. I can't pick up the phone, call one of them up, and say "hey, I need to talk." I worry that they'll be asleep, they'll be busy, they won't want to talk to me. I feel like I can't even turn to the people I need most right now.

I feel like my brain is broken.

sorry