Daylight Dies, Black Out The Sky

I should really be careful what I wish for. I was reading IT today, and I was supposed to go to work at two. I was texting B about the book, and said I wished I didn't have to go to work so I could stay home and read.

Ten minutes later, I threw up. Guess who called in sick to work!

Yeah me. xD I would rather have NOT puked and gone to work. I hate throwing up more than anything in the world. But I got to stay home and read and take a nap and watch Chuck.

So I'm talking to Ali about boys. -___- I just never know what to think. I like B, I like K, I like A (a lot), I like W (but I KNOW he's taken), and of course MIXED up into that is still missing C. Yeah, I know. He's a doucheface. But that doesn't stop me from missing the guy I thought he was. Missing the companionship. Missing my best friend.

With B, he's great to talk to. We talk about books and movies and all kinds of stuff. And he's pretty cute. But the smoking is just like... blech. As friends, I'm okay with it (although I still wish my smoker friends would quit, it's so bad for you). But if he keeps smoking, friends is all it's gonna be. Which I guess is okay with me? Because he's a great friend.

As for K, he's really... comforting. He likes to hug me, and he's always asking if I'm okay. And that's really nice. But actually talking to him doesn't really happen much. Plus, you know, he smokes too. -_- So I guess friends with him too!

This time of the year + this time of the month + stress + thinking too much = not a happy Audrey.

At this moment, right now, this very second, what I want more than anything is for W or A to be here, in my room, holding me. Even just a hug. One arm around me while we play Halo or watch a movie. Holding my hand while we talk. Heck, even just sitting next to me.

That's my wish right now.

Too bad my wishes only come true if they involve me vomiting.

I guess B or K would work for that wish too. Though not quite as much as W or A. I don't really know why? Maybe because I've known them longer, maybe because they don't smoke, maybe because I like them more. I don't know why my brain thinks what it does, why my heart feels what it does. All I know is that I think things and feel things and want things, and they rarely happen.

i didn't think it was possible to miss someone this much, after this long, after all the stuff he's done