He sent me a letter.
Apparently, he wasn't honest. For the whole two years we were dating. I mean, I knew there were some times he wasn't. But the entire time? Wow. He said he never loved me. He was just trying to get over BF. He didn't think he would ever have her, so he decided I was good enough.
It just hurts, to learn that two years of your life were based on a lie. And for some reason he thinks that knowing he was faking it will help me get over him faster. I don't know why he would think that. It just hurts. Like, "Ohey, I said I loved you for two years, and promised you everything, but I was lying. That makes you feel better about me breaking all those promises and your heart, right?"
Yeah, no. Sorry. I know he probably meant well..? But that doesn't make me feel better.
I just don't really know what to think right now. Half of me hates him. Half of me is mourning. Even though apparently our relationship wasn't "real" to him, it sure was to me.
Basically, ow. That just sums it up.
So I get this letter, I tell Ali, I tell D, I tell A, I tell B... basically I told everyone I could. Because it hurt. And I wanted support.
B and his roommates invited me over, so I went over to their apartment. His cute roommate that thought I was cute didn't even really know what was going on, he just knew something was wrong. And he hugged me. And kept telling me it was okay. And hugged me even though I was crying and had mascara and snot running all down my face. Probably.
So we watched my favorite Bond movie, Live and Let Die, and B and his roommates just kept reassuring me that it was okay, that "that guy" probably wasn't worth my time, and I deserved better. And it helped. I wish I hadn't had to go home, but my parents would have flipped. They thought I was at D's anyway.
It's great to have good friends. And apparently A and D both started yelling at C, ending up with them not being friends with him anymore. Which I feel kinda bad about. But it's their decision.
C did call me a slut, after all. Although D said he took it back. It still stings. I'm a slut because I liked some guys after I liked him? Because I "flung myself" at them? Well, whatever. He can think what he wants.
All I think about him is that he used to be such a nice, caring guy, but apparently that was a lie. Now I just miss the guy I thought I knew, and I feel angry and annoyed at the new (or real, I guess) him. I'm sure the great guy is somewhere, but he's hiding pretty well, at least from most of his old friends.
Transitioning from high school to real life kinda sucks. A lot.
I really do wish him the best. I want him to be happy, even if that means him being with a girl that I hate. Yes, I do hate her. I'm not going to lie about it. I've always strongly disliked her, and everything that happened with C just reinforced and strengthened that. But if he's happy, that's good.
Even if it doesn't make me happy.
So, C, if you're still reading this after all of this, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry I told the truth, that I was honest in my blog. That's what I created this for. To be honest with myself and whoever else chose to read it.
I am sorry, though, that things ended the way they did. You were a fantastic friend, and a great boyfriend, even though apparently it was mostly fake. I forgive you for that, mostly. It still hurts, and I don't think anything can really change that. But I don't really blame you. Because I know how you feel about her.
Because it's the way I used to feel about you.
7 down, 21 to go.
(P.S. Happy birthday to my sister, who turned 16 today!)
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