And I Was Thinking Of Places That I Could Hide

So it appears this blog is getting more viewers every day! Hello, world!

Now, I would like to say that just because more people read it does not mean I'm going to stop the way I write. I write this blog to be honest with myself and whoever reads it, like I said before. It's like a journal that I let people read. Yeah. With song lyrics for entry titles. xD

Okay, so B's roommate is going to need a nickname. I think I can safely go with K. It hasn't been used yet, I think. So yeah, tall cute roommate is now K.

Tonight I went over to D's and hung out with him and Ali and some other peoples (no A) for a while. We watched part of the Simpsons movie and then decided to get some food. As we were leaving to get food... I texted K. Yeah. I texted him first. D: I hate texting people first. It freaks me out. I get totally anxious. xD But I did it! And he invited me over.

I went and got food with D and them, and then when we were done eating I went over to B's apartment. We watched a funny show for a little while, and then we just kind of sat around talking and I scratched K's head. xD

(Oh, for readers not familiar with my emoticons, xD is the equivalent of lol. But cooler.)

Also, he asked if I'd like to go on a date sometime. :3 So I said yes.

Now, here's the thing. I am a little terrified of like... relationshippy stuff right now. On the one hand, I am dying for some attention, for someone to pay attention to me, to have someone to talk to. On the other hand, I have had pretty terrible luck in that department, so I'm nervous. Every guy that I have actually liked, like seriously liked, has liked another girl more than me. If not immediately, then eventually. C with BF, W with his girlfriend, and A with every girl but me. (>.< lame.) So I'm worried about that. Not very confident, I guess.

For another thing, I still... Like, I like K. He's funny and nice and cute. But I still like A, I still crush on W. I know that with A, he doesn't return the feelings, and W has a girlfriend so obviously nothing's happening there. But I've liked them for a while, so... I guess it's hard to let go of.

Plus I don't really know K yet. And as I've said before, I usually don't start liking boys seriously until I've known them a while. I'm going to have to force myself to take it slow so I don't mess things up.

Now, as for K himself. Pros are that he's tall, funny, nice, outgoing, cute, and kinda... I dunno, snuggly or something. xD Those are all very good things. Cons are that he smokes (not much or a lot, supposedly, but still), I don't really know him yet, and I'm a little worried he might try to move too fast. (Which I might want, but I'm not sure yet? I guess? I don't even know.)

With the smoking, it's just a turn-off. Chaos and I were talking about it, and she was like, "B's not really my type, but even if he was, the smoking thing is just a huge turn-off." (Sorry B, I don't know if I had told you that yet. D:) Like, I don't really care if people smoke. I know it's an addiction, and some people can break the addiction and some can't. I'm not going to try to force anyone to stop. I would encourage them to stop, but I wouldn't like... stop being friends with them. The thing is, I just don't really want to be a) hanging out with someone who's on mind-altering things (however little the effect is)(yes, even cigarettes alter your brain a little) and b) I don't really want to be hugging/kissing someone who smells/tastes like smoke. Just kinda gross. Reason B is more important. xD There is also a reason C, but I won't go into that one. xD

But the other things are easily fixable! I just have to get to know him better and see what happens. Which I want to do, because I do like him and he's funny and cute and all.

I'm just terrified. Like, seriously. I feel so anxious about everything that it's driving me crazy. I feel like I need to curl up into a tiny ball and cry or something. Something.

Terrified, nervous, anxious, confused, tired, bored, lonely, angry, heartbroken, depressed, regretful, excited, comforted, happy. My psychology teacher told us that usually when psychologists ask people to list some things that they feel on a regular basis, most people come up with seven. I doubled that and most of them aren't great. Ahaha.

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow (today) there will be a date with K! I don't know what we'll do or if the date will actually happen, but... woo! It's weird that I'm nervous, considering I spent like an hour tonight with his head in my lap. I think it's because physically I'm comfortable, it's just mentally and emotionally that needs work.

How messed up is that. xD

This was really long, wow. Sorry about that!

25 down, 3 to go. So close!