Lock Out The World And Just Stay There Forever

What is wrong with me? I had a great day, spent most of it with B, watching movies and kind of snuggling, basically it was a happy day! Great day, even! Heck, A even responded to my usual "Hey A" on Facebook! Just one more awesome thing in a pretty freakin' awesome day!

And yet.

I feel like crap! It's like, every time I have a good day, I end up feeling like crap. When I have a normal day, I feel like crap. I just feel like CRAP.

Maybe it has to do with not eating much. Or not sleeping much. But it's a vicious cycle. I'm depressed, so I don't feel like eating or sleeping. Then I feel worse because I don't eat or sleep. Then I don't feel like eating or sleeping.

Here is the deal! I am going to call W tomorrow. I just decided this. Possibly D, too. Once I get home from school and clean the kitchen, I will call W. And text D. I need to talk to them, and if at ALL possible I need to see them. This is my resolution for the night.

I feel even more awful because really, I did enjoy spending the day with B. I hate it when I have an awesome day and then feel like crap afterwards and it overshadows the fantastic day. My brain is just covered in a cloud right now. A haze of uncertainty, boredom, depression, angst, and feelings in general. Makes it hard to focus on anything.

sometimes i really hate myself