I'm Not Coming Back, I'm Not Gonna React

Well I haven't written in here in a while! It's almost Halloween now! Last time I wrote was back in June. Crazy times.

Lots of stuff happened in that time, but I'm just going to focus on what's going on now.

I moved to an apartment with The Twins! It's super awesome, mostly. There are a lot of screaming people outside all the time. Like, ALL the time. We're talking three a.m. screaming here. It's really annoying because our doors and walls are really not-soundproof, so we can hear everything. Especially me, 'cause I sleep on the couch. 'Cause it's more comfortable. Except for the yelling.

School is happen. I like my dino class with D and Ali, except they just broke up so it might get kind of awkward. Plus it's just awkward 'cause they're both really good friends of mine. I mean, D's my best friend, and Ali's one of my only really good female friends. So I guess I'll just see how that goes.

Fall and winter are always just hard for me. The feeling of the season itself reminds me of things and makes me feel depressed. I try not to be that way, but it happens.

I don't think my guyfriends realize how much their opinions matter to me. They hardly ever invite me to things, and when they do I get the feeling they only do it because I prompt them to. I feel like they don't really want me there. Sometimes, yeah, we have great parties, and D always makes me feel wanted and included. That's why he's my best friend, I guess, because I can tell that he actually cares about me. With the rest of the guys... it's a lot harder. I feel like because I'm a girl, I can't ever be totally accepted into their group, but because I'm "one of the guys" they won't date me. It's a catch-22 and it sucks. They don't care enough romantically to date me, but they don't care not-romantically enough to include me. I fall through the cracks.

I guess I'll just keep trying and hope that someday they'll grow up. Or maybe I'll meet some new friends, however unlikely that is. I just wish it would happen sooner. Or that I could peek into a mirror and see just a glimpse, just a hint of the future.

Just to know that I'll be okay someday.