I Will Always Be Here, For The Rest Of My Life

is this still a charade?

am i playing my part well enough?

i miss you.

always yours.

I'm Caught Inside The Memories, The Promises, The Yesterdays When I Belonged To You

i broke when you dropped me.

You Should Have Killed Me When You Had the Chance

i don't know what to do.

what's wrong with me?

why doesn't anyone realize?

why can't i tell them?

why can't i get them to see?

why don't they ask?

how do i get them to help me?

can i resist?

how am i supposed to tell anyone?

i just need someone to care.

I'd Make It Right If You Wanted It, I Want It Back More Than You Know

i can't keep doing this. i can't handle dreaming about him every fucking night. i wake up and i'm disappointed when i'm back to my present. this horrible half-life, stuck between waiting and trying not to wait. how am i supposed to move on with my life when my subconscious keeps dragging him to the forefront? how am i supposed to deal with the fact that i can't have him now and i don't even know if i'll get him later? how do i deal with one day at a time when every day is filled with ghosts? i miss him more than i can stand. every day gets worse instead of better. i didn't think it could get worse, but it does. every day. i'm falling further down and i don't know what to do. i don't want to cling to my friends, i don't want to drag them down with me. but they're the only things that let me forget, even for a few minutes at a time. i wish i was brave enough to show them how awful i feel inside so they would maybe realize that i need them. it just terrifies me to show them how i feel. but i need them so much. i don't know what to do.

im thelcuinar arle, im fael avaniron na.